Along the Forest Road, there's hundreds of cars - luxury
cars.
Each has got its load of convertible bars, cutlery cars -
supercars!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
'cos they disagree on a gangland boundary.
Yes, they disagree on a gangland boundary.
There's
Willy
Wright and his boys - one helluva noise, that's
Billy's boys!
With fully-fashioned mugs, that's Little John's thugs, the
Barking Slugs - supersmugs!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
these Christian soldiers fight to protect the poor.
East end heroes got to score in ....
The
Battle of Epping Forest, it's the Battle of Epping
Forest, right outside your door.
You ain't seen nothing like it.
No, you ain't seen nothing like it, not since the Civil War.
Coming over the hill are the boys of Bill, and Johnny's lads
stand very still.
With the thumpire's shout, they all start to clout
- there's no guns in this gentleman's bout.
George moves in on the outside left with a chain flying
round his head;
and
Harold Demure, from Art Literature, nips up the
nearest tree.
(Here come the cavalry!)
Amidst the battle roar, accountants keep the score: 10-4.
They've never been alone, after getting a radiophone.
The bluebells are ringing for
Sweetmeal
Sam, real ham,
handing out bread and jam just like any picnic.
It's 5-4 on William Wright; he made his pile on Derby night.
When Billy was a kid, walking the streets, the other kids
hid - so they did!
Now, after working hard in security trade, he's got it made.
The shops that need aid are those that haven't paid.
"I do my double-show quick!" said
Mick the
Prick, fresh out the nick.
"I sell cheap holiday. The minute they leave, then a visit I
pay - and does it pay!"
And his friend,
Liquid Len
by name, of Wine Women and Wandsworth fame,
said "I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me
framed!"
They called me the Reverend when I entered the Church
unstained;
my employers have changed but the name has remained.
It all began when I went on a tour, hopping to find some
furniture.
I followed a sign - it said "
Beautiful
Chest".
It led to a lady who showed me her best.
She was taken by surprise when I quickly closed my eyes.
So she rang the bell, and quick as hell
Bob the
Nob came out on his job to see what the trouble was.
"Louise, is the Reverend hard to please?", "you're telling
me!"
"Perhaps, sir, if it's not too late,
we could interest you in our
Staffordshire plate?"
"Oh no, not me. I'm a man of repute."
But the Devil caught hold of my soul and a voice called out
"Shoot!"
To save my steeple, I visited people;
for this I'd gone when I met
Little John.
His name came, I understood,
when judge said "You are a
robbing
hood."
He told me of his strange foundation,
conceived on sight of the Woodstock nation;
he'd had to hide his reputation.
When poor, 'twas salvation from door to door.
But now, with a pin-up guru every week,
it's Love, Peace & Truth Incorporated for all who seek.
He employed me as a
karmacanic,
with overall charms.
His hands were then fit to receive alms.
That's why we're in the Battle of Epping Forest,
it's the Battle of Epping Forest, right outside your door.
We guard your souls for peanuts,
and we guard your shops and houses for just a little more.
In with a left hook is the Bethnal Green Butcher,
but he's countered on the right by Mick's chain-gang fight,
and Liquid Len, with his smashed bottle men,
is lobbing Bob the Nob across the gob.
With his kisser in a mess, Bob seems under stress,
but
Jones
the Jug hits Len right in the mug;
and Harold Demure, who's still not quite sure,
fires acorns from out of his sling.
(Here come the cavalry!)
Up, up above the crowd, inside their
Silver
Cloud, done proud,
the bold and brazen brass, seen darkly through the glass.
The butler's got jam on his Rolls; Roy doles out the lot,
with tea from a silver pot just like any picnic.
Along the Forest Road, it's the end of the day and the
Clouds roll away.
Each has got its load - they'll come out for the count at
the break-in of day.
When the limos return for their final review, it's all thru'
- all they can see is the morning goo.
"There's no-one left alive - must be a draw."
So the Blackcap Barons toss a coin to settle the score.
